Thursday, May 9, 2013

This is not the end, it's only the beginning

When you read my blog here, it's somewhat the continuation of this blog. You'll be able to understand the periods of gaining strength and proving to people that I can achieve whatever dream I have in life. So there we go..

The life I had in graduate school was pleasurable like my college life in an advanced way. The only difference was I have my own means whatever I want to do in life opposite with what I had in college. On the other hand, I went through the most unexpected situation wherein I felt that the world was on my back. I never thought that it will happen to me in the most heartbreaking way.
I started entering graduate school last 2009 and it was quite difficult for me to handle things the way it should be. That was the first time I had opposite gender classmates and I was really anxious to mingle with them knowing that they grew up with Ateneo environment. That was also my first time to give a report in front of the class with a topic that I really don’t understand. Remember I took Master in Environmental Management and FYI those subjects are for engineers and scientists. And as an International Management graduate, I really don’t know how and where I can get basic understanding of the course. But in the long run, I understood some of the topics little by little with the help of my classmates who had their majors during college.
I can say that my classmates were engineers and scientists. I built friendships with them because they also like parties and happenings like me. I remember my first Christmas party with them last December 2009. We had our Christmas party at Village East Clubhouse in Cainta where our Program Chair lives there. We continued the party at my friend’s place in La Vista in Katipunan. We bought drinks and food and of course, we had fun and pretty drunk. I guess the friendship started there. I got to mingle with alumni and some people who I haven’t got to talked to even if we’re in the same program. AND THE REST IS HISTORY! :p
I had lots of fun during my masteral days. I don’t want to mention it here since it’s too many to mention. I think I’ll mention it little by little when it will relate to some of my soon-to-be-posts.
2010 and 2011 was somewhat my happy yet miserable years of my life. If you read my entry before this, I mentioned that I lost the people I treasured the most and at the same time, I also lost the love, trust, and care of the people who give value me just loving a person whom I thought he’s the one for me. I also mentioned before that there were many heartbreaking episodes that happened in between. I guess I was failure at those years. I failed my most ever loving dad who sees me as his good and loving daughter. I also failed in some of my subjects because I chose to be with him rather than studying my lessons. I turned my back on everything and I guess that person didn’t see the fact that I screwed up everything just to be with him every single day. But I didn’t blame him for those things because once in my life, I was happy and free doing things that I really want.
I guess year 2012 gave me a rollercoaster ride. It was February 2012 when I took my compre exam and thought that I’ll be graduating on that year. My parents were very excited for me to graduate and they kept on telling me that they will be on leave on the day of handling my diploma. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to pass the compre exam and wasn’t able to graduate on that year. I enrolled the compre exam on June 2012 and the department scheduled my second compre exam on September 8, 2012.
On April to June 2012, we had an on-the-rocks relationship. It was the time that our relationship was on and off. I already felt at that time that he has someone else and he was already lying to me. I guess he was only good in hiding. I’ll never know because I saw the best of him during the first part of our relationship. I guess I have to believe the fact that “IT’S TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE”!
So there we are, it was June 8 when we were finally okay. I remember that it was our enrolment and did some errands on that day. Months have passed that I was feeling some kind of unease feeling. He was hiding his phone to me in which he doesn’t ever do it to me. He was acting up strangely and I already felt that our relationship will end up soon.
So it was October 10 when our relationship turned 2. We weren’t able to celebrate that day since my car was coding. So we decided to celebrate it the following day. October 11.. the last time we had dinner together and see him. I never thought that it was the end of everything between us. Weeks passed and I haven’t heard from him. November 9.. I found out that he was with someone else who was way opposite of me since October 18. That day (November 9), I really didn’t know what to do about myself. I went to our department in Ateneo and asked for some enlightenment (Hello there Ate Weng if you’re reading this!). I drunk up and cried. That’s all I can do for myself.
I didn’t want to see myself look pitiful so I went to the gym, went out of my friends, laugh, drink, party, and stay focus on the last part of my graduate studies program.. MASTER’S PROJECT (equivalent to a thesis). My master’s project was entitled, “Streamlining of the Environmental Requirements in the Upstream Oil Industry in the Philippines”. I guess I got pretty fine because I had something to get busy with. I started working on my master’s project on January and have to present it on February 18, 2013 (see how lazy I am! HAHAHA!!!!).
Master’s project wasn’t an easy task for me. I presented it last February 18, 2013 with my mom and dad were watching and supporting me. My professors were really amazed because that was the first time that student’s parents are there to watch and support their son/daughter.
I can say that master’s project was the highlight of my Atenean life. It brought out the best in me. OW-EM-GEE! I can’t imagine how I did it but all I know is I gave my very best until the last breathe of my life. After I presented my master’s project, our coordinator talked to me and they were giving me 8 days to finish a REVISED paper with environmental governance. In short, I’ll change everything from title up to recommendation. I had second thought of accepting it. I asked them for options. If I pass my paper within 8 days, I’ll join the commencement. But if not, I’ll get my diploma indicated that I’m a graduate of year 2013 but I won’t be able to join the commencement. I talked about it with my friends and they pushed me to finish it within 8 days. What I did at that time was, I took a leave at work for 1 week and forced myself to finish what I have to finish in 8 days. My revised paper was entitled, “Streamlining of the Permitting Process in Offshore Oil Production: The Galoc Oil Field Experience”. How is it sounds like? A professional writer who wants to make governance for oil industry? Many people were telling me that my paper is more of doctorate paper and they were wishing me the best luck for it. Fortunately, I was able to finish it within 8 days with the help of Asian Development Bank references (thanks to my sister who works at ADB! Glad that I have a connection there. LOL!) and served it as a guide for my paper. Luckily, there was a paper regarding environmental governance that similar to my topic. Whew! God is good all the time! Yehey!!! J
There were still some revisions on my paper but not the same as what they asked me to revise. I was really losing hope at that time to the point that our program chair screamed at me. I almost died of having a routine of Mandaluyong-Makati-Mandaluyong-Ateneo since my adviser works in Makati and I really had a hard time of going to him for some reviews of my paper. My routine was, I’ll go to office early in the morning, park my car, take a cab going to my adviser’s office in Makati, take a cab going back to our office in Mandaluyong, then go to Ateneo to pass my revisions. See how tiring it is!

I survived those challenging moments. It was an extra blissful feeling of achieving the most unexpected thing that could ever happen to me. I never thought of surviving in doing my paper alone. There were some people who became part of my paper and I was really thankful that they extended their helping hand in finishing whatever I had to finish. I was morally and mentally supported by those people and without them, I won’t be able to join the commencement.

taken from my instagram: nostalgicmortal

I was really happy the time I laid down my toga on my bed and I stared at it for a minute. I was thinking all the hardships and challenges that I went through as I completing my master’s project. I realized that I’ve grown enough to face the challenges and trials alone. I just need people who will pull me UP and bring out the best in me. And as I get ready to march that day, I kept on thanking God for all the extra strength and patience that He gave me. I cannot explain how happy I am on the day of our graduation. I was able to complete everything ALONE.

My parents who have been very supportive to me right from the start up to the final step of my graduate studies. They never said “NO” in all my favors and they were happy to help me. They never let me fight alone. They were always there for me during the time of revising my paper. They even watched during my master’s project presentation and I was really ashamed of myself because I know they’ll compare me to my sister who has been excellent in academic. I wasn’t ashamed of being teased by people that my parents were there during my presentation and it was very highschool for them. It was not that. I was ashamed because I can’t express what I have to state to my panellists so they’ll understand oil industry since having a title regarding oil industry was a pioneer to them. I can’t repay their love, care, understanding, and support to me that’s why this is the only thing I could give them – to watch marching and receiving my diploma in front people with a round of applause.

(Left to the Right: I, Dr. Emilyn Espiritu [Program Chair - Environmental Science Department], Doy)
Some time in our lives, we encounter circumstances that are unnecessary. But those circumstances will help us grow and find ourselves get to where and who we suppose to be. Sometimes we need to learn in a hardest way. Some situations that we face in our everyday lives acquire us more patience and hardwork to push ourselves to reach the highest goal of our plan.

That was what this person did to me. Dr. Emilyn Espiritu or Doc E (short for Dr. Espiritu) pushed me to the limit. I was about to give up and decided not to join the commencement because I was losing hope of finishing my paper and submit it to my given deadline since my paper was really difficult. Most of the people, even my adviser, were telling me that I still have to elaborate my topic. And so because of that, I really had a hard time on putting words just to make my readers understand my manuscript. Doc E got so incensed to the point of yelling at me. She really wanted me to join the commencement because she saw the effort and support that my parents exerted during the presentation of my paper. So as a pay back to my parents, they have to see me on stage and receive my diploma.
Joy and I
She was a graduate student of Master in Environmental Science. A survival too, like me. haha.. Oh hello Joy! She was a DOST (Department of Science and Technology) scholar. She has to finish the course in 2 years or else, she’ll pay for her tuition fee. Her program was way technical than our program. They need to use laboratory and laboratory equipments for their experiment. She was the only ES student who finished the program in 2 years. Kudos for that! You’re so amazing, Joy!

He’s one the few people whom I can lean on and trust all my worries and confusions. He’s one of the people I really admired. His hardwork, patience, perseverance, and determination caught my attention and realized so many things in life. We have never been that closed when I entered Ateneo but on the year 2010, we became good friends and considered each other as best of friends. We promised each other that we should march and receive our diploma together and we made it together through thick and thin. We dealt with trials and challenges in our lives separately and guess what?! We surpassed it and even made us stronger in the long run. We learned to value our lives and the people we met because we believe that there are reasons why we meet those people and make memories with them.
I’ll treasure our friendship for the rest of my life. The memories we’ve had are one-of-a-kind. He’s one of the people who helped me with all the circumstances in life and he knows how to lift me up again. He doesn’t want to change me because he accepts me for who I am and who I am not. He doesn’t ask me to be who I am not really am except that I have to work hard and not to give up. I saw a “true friendship” with him and I won’t ever ruin it no matter what it takes. Hey Doy! If you’re reading this, I love you to the moon and back, biatch! :p

DRESS: Petite Monde
SHOES: People are People
 I gained weight after I submitted all the requirements for graduating students and officially listed my name to the registrar as one who will join the commencement. I was deprived of sleep and food during my master’s project days and everyone can attest to that. I was free from everything so the result was this. I was too fat on this photo and actually, I’m still fat until now. HAHAHAHA…..

Ateneo de Manila University
Sharlene P. Suarez
Master in Environmental Management

March 18, 2013 – the day of my success. I accomplished my Plan A and I saw in my family’s eyes that they were really proud of me. Behind this diploma were the challenges, trials, hardships, pains, and tears that made me knew myself and showed everything best in me. As I walked towards Fr. Jeth Villarin, S.J. (Ateneo de Manila University’s President), received my diploma, and bow downed to the people, I proved to myself that no one can ever turn me down and hurt like I was a nobody. This diploma made me realized that I should be WISER to choose what’s best for me and STRONGER to face whatever circumstances that I’ll face as I take my journey.
This diploma is for all the people who impaired me and accused me like I’m the worst human in this world. This is not yet the end. This diploma reminds me of the start of my success. Everything will start here and let’s see where it will lead me to. Nothing’s wasted. All things that I’ve lost are worth it. Without losing, I won’t gain something and I’m happy with whatever I have right now.
I remember when someone gave me words of wisdom during the days of my misery - that I’ll be happier more than the people who have hurt me. People go because it will lead to open doors for a new beginning. I cannot explain my happiness now and I’m thanking God for all the people whom he had sent to me to guide and help me. I believe that all things that happen to us have reasons and those reasons will define who we are and our ability to do something great.
I would like to thank my colleagues for giving time for me. They always make themselves available just to answer all my queries and helped me solve my problems about my master’s project. Almost all of it came from their ideas and I’m so thankful that they recognized my effort and hardship on my paper. They were very supportive with my studies and I’m grateful to have people like them. Thank you so much! I’m proud that I became part of this company.
Above all, I thank Papa J for providing me extra strength in facing this challenge. With You, I’m ready to take the next biggest challenge and it’s about my career. I know it’s not easy but I’ll do my very best to understand everything about oil sector. Thank you for all the blessings that You’ve given me. You know that deep down in my heart how thankful I am for not leaving me in whatever I do. Thank you so much, Papa J! You’re great!
So before I end this lengthy post, I would like to share you a song for myself. This song reminds me of all the bad days in my life but I eventually outshined after the rain with a big smile on my face. I was criticized by people who are on top since when I was in highschool and so, I proved that I am not what they think of me! People left me because they don't understand who I really am but I learned to stand on my own and fight without the weapons that I thought can save me.


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